Cardiff-Lake District-Scotland

Hello from the freezing (except for those in the Midwest I presume) cold part of the world. I spent a nice Christmas down in Wales, then headed up to the Lakes for a couple of nights and now I'm in Scotland and will be for New Years. I spend most of my days eating and the rest of the time in a post-food coma, hence a vicious cycle of getting progressively fat.

Between Birmingham and now, I realised one thing that I had completely forgotten during my end-of-semester reminiscing and should have figured out after this summer in Colorado: being the only person under 50 for the better part of a 2.5 week holiday can really, really, epically, suck.

Much as I love my family and family friends, between the several maternal (and the odd paternal) figures discussing and advising about life, love, marriage, and looking after your parents when you and they get older, I'm starting to go batshit insane. Taking any advice from the parents has also become several degrees more difficult with each year; yes I know I can put on my hat if my ears are cold, yes I do have a hat, no I don't think I need it right now, yes I will eventually give you pocket money, but not until I can look after MYSELF first. Of course I'm the good daughter, mainly because I don't cause trouble, because I just shut up and sit there awkwardly instead of snapping back and then feeling guilty afterwards.
(I'm fairly sure my parents aren't as overbearing as most, I just have a pretty short fuse sometimes.)

Sigh. Filial piety clashing with desire for more independence.

Scarborough Fair

Actually the weather's pretty shitty right now and all the parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme have turned into mud or are going to be used in the Christmas dinner.

I'll only stay a night here before picking up a friend from Durham and then heading back to Birmingham. Then on to Wales for Christmas!

I am still severely jetlagged, which really really sucks, and the tendency to sleep in moving cars is not helping either.

London

I hopefully will post entries during these next couple of weeks wherever I can get Internet.

Right now I'm in London, and will be heading up to Birmingham in the afternoon to stay with friends. All I can say is that I am super happy that finals are OVER and I can get around to eating and enjoying Christmas. Also, the parents got here this morning so that's even better.

I can also stop worrying about band now that I won't be going back for the Rose Bowl. I will however send the obligatory game day text/call if I can, and if I can't catch it on TV (they don't seem to have ESPN much) I'll track it online or something.

It turns out finals and papers stressed me out so much I forgot to pay my last phone bill (and I'm usually pretty diligent even without auto-pay) . And today I made up for it by double-paying by mistake. =P

Time to go get pub grub.

Back to old Blighty and the Land of Leeks

Yes, here's the treat: 2 posts in 1 day after not posting for a couple of weeks.

I might as well say it right here: I'm still on the fence about coming back for the Rose Bowl. This is mainly due to whatever flight's available and what exactly is going on in the first couple of days.

But there's also another factor: I'm going back to England/Wales for Christmas for the first time in 15 years. That's a hell of a long time for anyone, even more so when you're 19.

I can't wait to have a white Christmas again. Though I'm sure after spending a few days in soggy slushy London I'm going to be hating the snow as I stumble along in probably poorly inadequate clothing.

I can't wait to see my newest cousin.

I miss my grandad a lot. Nuff said.

I don't know when I'm seeing my parents again.

We're roadtripping around the country so I get to see some of my friends studying/living in England. It's been a while since I got to hang out with the girls I call sisters from pre-birth.

So in all fairness, if I can't make it back for Pasadena, I'm not going to be that sorry.

To what extent?

When does it stop being tradition and start becoming masochism? Or are the two inevitably entwined?

I refer, of course, to 18 hours of work/projects/band parties followed by 2 hours of sleep followed by another 15 hours of band related stuff.

Add a morning rugby game the next day and a band banquet and voila, instant zombie.

(Not kidding too much about the zombie part, my neck and shoulders feel like they've gone into rigor mortis from the scrums.)

Que sera?

Que se passerait-'il si je commence ecrirer en francais?

November Project

So I returned triumphantly from Palo Alto with the spoils of war: a sore throat, a cough, and hilarious memories of rollerbus that involved losing my contacts and being bodily lifted into the air.

And I realised I hadn't blogged for nearly a month, so here's to make up for that.

It really goes without saying that a shitload has happened since my last blog (end of October)....America has its new president (yay!), gay marriage is now illegal in California (sucks), and somewhere out there up north, a pathetic excuse of a "tree" is wilting to the funeral dirge of its "band" (oh yay!)

But yeah, now is the season of chronic sickness and tedious research. (and no shaving for the lads that are up for the challenge.)

I honestly hope that the slaving away for sources to meet a deadline won't kill my genuine curiosity for Walt Whitman, the Civil War, or the Irish-British animosity.

I've stopped speculating about the BCS....like Obama said, get a playoff system already! That aside, it's pretty much guaranteed that I won't be spending New Years in Wales, although I am excited to be spending Christmas in there. It's been 14 years since I was in the UK in frigging winter.

And on that note, I need to get my arse to bed so this cough can get better soon. Stay tuned for a post about insecurities regarding the future.

Am I weird?

Okay, the answer to the above seems pretty obvious. :)

But that aside, it seems that everyone around me is suddenly being really introspective and deep about their future hopes and dreams and memories and the like. And I sometimes think that I don't have that.






The question I often find the most difficult to answer is "What do you want for yourself?"

Between the social campaigns and politics and midterms, I don't think I've ever found much time to answer that.

In the spirit of things

Been a little while since I blogged, but now that I've decided to head the blog committee for Africa Dream Project, I really should learn how to write regularly. I probably have the least demanding committee, but considering what I have on my plate right now, there's no sense in grabbing more from the buffet table before the plate collapses on top of me. (The fact that I'm writing this at 12:30am instead of finishing my reading is already a pretty clear sign I think....)

Speaking of Africa Dream Project, if you see any of their stuff around on campus, do support them. It's not a big group actually (Jon constantly repeats how surprised he is that they got so much done with so little organisation) but I've found it an opportunity to sort of "return" to Kenya. Yeah, I seriously miss that place.
I believe that we will be tabling during Homecoming, though the time and location haven't been decided yet.

And to keep up with the campaigning spirit, I've been roped into No on Prop 8 for a while already. During on-campus recruiting, I had an interesting conversation with someone who, believe it or not, actually spotted my No on Prop 8 sticker and walked up to me for a chat instead of me blocking his path and waving in front of his face to flag him down. (That seriously happens about once in a blue moon. Why blue? Don't know, don't care.)

Him - "Hi, what are you campaigning on?"

Me - " So, how do you stand on same-sex marriage?"

Him - (totally paraphrasing, sorry, bad memory...) "Well, I'm not sure, I mean, isn't marriage a religious-based institution..."

Me - "I wouldn't be here if it were exclusively so."

Seriously, do correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't marriage present in civilizations pre-Christianity as a form of property transaction and for political alliances as well as for love? I'm pretty sure that China has not had a monotheistic state religion for ages, and I come from a long line of atheists/agnostics. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is that the religious argument against gay marriage has always hit a sour note with me, even though I never realised exactly why until I had the above conversation.

Okay, the last paragraph was rambling. I need sleep.

Who says the US can't get a female president this year?

A likely outcome in this day and age from a supposedly improbable and bizarre situation:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7626471.stm

Basically, if the vote goes 269-269, it's up to Congress to decide who becomes president and VP. In the meantime, someone's gotta run the country.

The Speaker of the House.

Nancy Pelosi.

Ohhh, sweet irony.

Duel and Duality

If we go by the belief of dualism, where there is a god, there is a devil.



The devil seems to have arrived at USC.




To be honest, I don't know what else to say.

Proof that USC has a God?

• No matter how grey and gloomy at 6:34am, there will be Trojan weather at kickoff.



• The sun comes out just before Conquest is played at rehearsal.



• There is always a breeze just before the pregame show.



• There is always a breeze that keeps the flags waving during the national anthem.



• Pete Carroll is on this earth.

Too much time?

It feels surreal to have a 3 (for this week, 4) day weekend.

How odd.

In other news, I ate shit on the curb of Jefferson when someone stepped in front of my already slow-moving bike and I toppled over trying to avoid her.

I now have a fear of crossing roads on bikes and not very pretty skinned knees.

I also have a myriad of ridiculous band camp tanlines, to the point where I'm one ethnicity from the neck up and about 2 others from the neck down.

Save the trees, kill the people!

As a friend said, welcome to university - making you pay money every step of the way.
My booklist for this semester has exponentially increased to a whopping 20 books for 4 subjects out of 5 I've signed up for. The last class is a computer class, so I'm guessing that the manual for that class is going to be as expensive as the rest combined.

It's funny...when I was helping out with the CALPIRG Higher Ed and Textbooks Campaign, I definitely had it easy compared to the others when it came to paying for textbooks. Now that I've quit as a full-time volunteer, someone up there decides to instigate some sort of financial retribution by switching the laundry list with my usual book list.

Being the poor international student I am, I refuse to buy any of my books in pristine condition. I probably won't use any of my books again after this semester, and it won't hurt the environment as much if I buy used (see title).

That said, one potentially good outcome of this is that my classes are all upper division, and therefore look to be more interesting since they're using more diverse texts. I sure hope it'll help relieve some of the heart attacks induced by the bills. $170 and still counting (I don't want to even attempt to calculate how much the lot will cost if bought new).

The second part of the title refers to the online game I found, Pandemic 2. Strangely addicting considering the objective is to wipe out the whole of humanity, but then again it's also rather thought provoking considering I made it through the heart of the SARS pandemic and have been living in a bird-flu-infested city for a while, in addition to learning a smidgen about bioterrorism from my Freshman Seminar.

[These thoughts have been censored due to international security issues]

"Blueprints still in development"

I honestly don't care if I never adhere to a religion.

I don't really care if I'm a strong atheist, a weak atheist, an agnostic, or an apathetist.

I could join the cult of Cthulhu, Pastafarianism, or start a new religion if that's what it takes.

I found something a while back that sort of helps explains it all. It pertains to an atheist court case, but what the hell:

"An Atheist loves himself and his fellowman instead of a god. An Atheist knows that heaven is something for which we should work now—here on earth—for all men together to enjoy. An Atheist thinks that he can get no help through prayer but that he must find in himself the inner conviction and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue, and enjoy it. An Atheist thinks that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellowman can he find the understanding that will help to a life of fulfillment.
Therefore, he seeks to know himself and his fellowman rather than to know a god. An Atheist knows that a hospital should be build instead of a church An Atheist knows that a deed must be done instead of a prayer said. An Atheist strives for involvement in life and not escape into death. He wants disease conquered, poverty vanquished, war eliminated. He wants man to understand and love man. He wants an ethical way of life. He knows that we cannot rely on a god nor channel action into prayer nor hope for an end to troubles in the hereafter. He knows that we are our brother's keeper and keepers of our lives; that we are responsible persons, that the job is here and the time is now."
- Madylyn Murray

Pretty idealistic, admittedly, but I'm not gonna take it as doctrine.

I think this is the one time where the journey means more than the destination.

Everyone's a little bit racist

I was lucky enough to catch Avenue Q on its 5th anniversary last night.

And I think it's just amazing how a simple soap operaish musical featuring puppet sex can address a bunch of social issues at once and still be so entertaining.

Love it.

Now I'm going to listen to the CD on repeat until I drive my parents nuts.

eeeeeee

Is it wrong that I think that two of my old teachers getting married is one of the most adorable things ever?
Mind you, most of my friends and I spent our middle/high school years being taught by one or both of them, so I'm not the only one squeeing and leaving congratulatory messages on the groom's Facebook.

Oh, and I'm seeing Avenue Q tomorrow!

Helloooo from New York

After a 15 hour plane ride, a 3 hour delay due to air traffic among other things, and a $10 taxi ride that got jacked up to $24 that led to my mum calling the police, I'm back in the US.

On the East Coast, that is. At 4am.

And it seems that I have missed an exciting/terrifying event back on the West Coast. Glad to see everyone's okay though.

In other news, I failed my driving test back in Hong Kong. I had just done my 3-point turn and parallel parking, and was going down a steep narrow road when two trucks sort of loomed up in front of me.

Cue momentary panic, minute swerve and gentle bumping of the curb.

Yeah, that pretty much killed it for me.
I was really nervous though, especially when it turned out that my test was going to be 30 minutes earlier than stated just because everyone else had gone ahead of time.

So I'll most likely retake the test in LA. Not the best location, but I don't have much choice.

The simple things

Give me now a splendid sun
With all His light full clear

Give me now a gentle autumn
Before the dying of the year

Give me a field of unbloodied grass
While I can still see far

Give me one night on a river
One unfailing star.

- Jack Murphy

Now what?

I just realised I have 11 days left in Hong Kong. That flew by real fast, I can tell you. And I have no idea when I'm coming back.

What I have accomplished (list taken from previous post):
- Go to Japan
- Find a job More of an unpaid internship consisting of sitting around and doing menial tasks involving papers and leaflets.
- Get together with friends Semi-accomplished as there are still some friends I haven't seen yet and really want to
- Go shopping for cheap clothes --- Haven't really updated the wardrobe, actually.
- Learn how to drive --- Still in progress. Have not managed an entire lesson without stalling the damn car yet.
- See if I can still play the clarinet after a year of playing brass Sort of managed it, with very sore cheek muscles from playing 1812.
- Deliver that USC pennant to school (I can't imagine why they don't have one already) Also got to see that said school is kind of going downhill.
- Go to Colorado

I'm starting to think about changing the title of this blog. "Being Alive" sounds a little vague and overly optimistic compared to the often pessimistic posts I put up (one could argue the reverse, really). I have a feeling my next post is going to be a semi-rant about pre-marital sex and birth control (after seeing Heather's post), or something like that.

Still searching

I have the schedule time for a job next semester, but no job yet. Sadness.

Found this song by Mary Fahl, "Going Home", which is the opening song for Gods and Generals. It was a nice touch, but I think that if The Last Full Measure was made, it might have been more appropriate to use it then.

The point is that the song kind of got me thinking about what home really is for me. Not too clear cut for your average third-culture kid, unfortunately.
I guess by logic it would be either a) your birthplace, or b) the place where you spent most of your years.
a) is right out for me, since I haven't been back to my birthplace for 14 years (closest I got was probably Durham).
b)? Hong Kong? Possibly, considering my family is based here. But I don't know sometimes....I've been wanting to leave Hong Kong ever since we started applying to colleges, and now that I'm back here, I feel like I want to go back to the US soon. Hm.

My mum was asking me if I could come back to Hong Kong next summer. I told her I was going to try and find an internship in the US instead, and then she asked when she was going to see me again. I honestly don't know. That's the kicker. I will miss my family, and I feel a bit guilty that I might not see them for a while after Christmas, but I don't want to keep going back to Hong Kong every summer. I want to get away. Travel a little bit, work and live by myself in some place I haven't visited yet. Maybe I'll go back home after graduation. Wherever home is.

Swearing, caring, and baring

When I'm not at work, I keep rewatching episodes of Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares on YouTube. It was quite a revelation to see this side of him after seeing him screeching at employees and contestants on some of his other shows (Hell's Kitchen, Boiling Point etc.) One one hand, he's the employer from hell who probably uses more foul language in a minute than what would be required in a month for a harassment suit elsewhere, plus he has a mixed attitude towards vegetarians at best; on the other hand, he loves his cooking and gets genuinely upset when those he tries to help don't succeed for whatever reason, or get into problems beyond their control (the alcoholic who collapsed, the waitress who fell and got knocked out, the promising chef who got unemployed because her boss couldn't manage the restaurant). At any rate, it's thoroughly entertaining, although I highly recommend the UK version over the US one.

Can't really comment on the swearing though; I've seen comments from chefs saying that it's perfectly fine given the high-pressure environment, and from other chefs saying that it's unnecessary and abusive. YMMV, I guess. I grew up on Jamie Oliver.

The 'baring' part of my title refers to Miley Cyrus and the Vanity Fair photo. Oh lordy.

I usually don't give a shit about the teen pop stars. I do however have former classmates who have done part-time modelling from (I think) about 16 onwards. (Although I don't think any of them went for a rumpled-morning-after theme.) And I feel kind of sorry for Miley.

The photo itself honestly isn't that bad; in fact, it looks quite nice, and not overly inappropriate enough to cause much fuss. If she were actually of age and did not have such a young fanbase. The bedsheet covers more than a bikini would, but the suggestive implications of the photo at her age are a danger zone, and I don't know if she, her parents, or Annie Leibovitz considered the public response.

I just wonder why she (or her parents) couldn't wait a couple more years till she reached an age with less issues, eg. 18, or maybe even 17. Sure, she's close to what many define as womanhood, but she's legally not an adult. I doubt her looks would alter THAT much after 36 months, bar an accident, self-destruction or act of [deity of choice].

I probably haven't said anything that hasn't been said already. As it is, the photo's out, and the kids have seen it. Now she and everyone will look back and remember it as being famous for the wrong reasons. Lovely.

Wow am I rambling today.

Politics, politics

After this week, I'm thoroughly sick of politics. Which makes me kind of glad I'm not majoring in Political Science. (Not that IR is much better, really....)

I'm shadowing a legislator right now, and while it's good to watch the councils and see how things go on, it gets depressing with each subsequent visit. It is also rather boring...I've only managed to stay thoroughly awake for one meeting so far.

It's like:

blahblahblah technical terms blahblah semantics blahblahbalh not doing their job....

All of a sudden, one legislator starts talking about the "tiger with no teeth" and pulls out, yup, a rather large papier mache model of a tiger with no teeth. And brandishes it to make his point.

Today, I went to a meeting on levying plastic bags, and the people there spent FIVE minutes trying to define a "plastic shopping bag". People, it's not that hard. Although when one guy pulled out a plastic folder as an ambiguous example, everyone sitting in the public viewing area dissolved into giggles.

I keep my thoughts written down in a notebook in order to stay awake, and I probably will get into trouble if I post too many of them, but they go along the lines of:

Woo angry politicians. This oughta be fun.
Did he just pull out a theatre prop? (tiger head)
Rah, rah, rah...goddamn semantics.
...And one wonders why these meetings are so long....
Gah! [expletives] It's a [expletive] plastic shopping bag! No, not a plastic folder like the one you're holding up, you [expletive]! Get to the point!

So next week, I'm transferring to the other office, where I might actually be able to do something practical.

---

In other news, I'm learning how to drive. Drive manual, no less. Yes, the streets are no longer safe. (Although I can do a very slow 3 point turn after 2 lessons, haha.)

Blue and Grey

I have this sudden interest with Civil War history, and I can place the blame squarely on this semester's professors. I think it started with one professor suggesting Gettysburg, then the next suggesting The Killer Angels. I am now seriously considering buying Shelby Foote's 3 volume set, along with The Red Badge of Courage, and Bruce Catton and James Macpherson's works. Whether I'll have space to shelve all of them, let alone read all of them, is something I prefer not to address at the moment, haha.

Kinda weird how I'm more interested in a civil war that's not from either of my home countries.

-------------

In other genres, the Dune series is proving a very interesting read. The spice is life.

Cover up!

More evidence of culture shock:

I was walking in the middle of Central (downtown, business-y sort of place, lots of chain stores) with my mum, and she said what I was wearing was highly inappropriate.

I was wearing a T-shirt, USC gym shorts (mid thigh), and flipflops. Everyone around me was wearing business or business casual.

Clearly, I have yet to assimilate back into Hong Kong culture.
(However, if I'd worn a pair of trainers and claimed said outfit was workout gear, I might have gotten away with it.)

Wow...

I am 2 days away from the end of my freshman year.

Can't wait.

Stick 'em up

Cliché title aside, the crime on campus is starting to scare me a bit. It's one thing if you're walking alone at 3am on Vermont, but studying in VKC at 11pm is another.

On the subject of crime in schools: I've been reading that some schools are lobbying for students to carry concealed guns on campus. Aside from my first reaction, which was absolute terror because sitting in a classroom full of concealed guns that is not a police seminar personally freaks me out, I was wondering: how many places are considering allowing faculty to conceal-carry, but not all students? (ROTC/auxiliary police/army personnel students excepted, when out of uniform.) That could ensure at least one armed person in the room, although it could also paint a bulls-eye on them for a shooter who knows the regulations.

I'm not fully up to date with the interpretations of the 2nd amendment, so I would appreciate opinions on this, since I'm going to be here for at least another 3 years. USC has been fairly lucky so far...

Dog days of summer

It's getting way too hot. And I say this as someone who comes from a semi-tropical urban island where humidity is usually at 90%. I'm surprised my school back home hasn't flooded yet, as far as I know.

Another reminder that summer is so near...yet so far.

I'm actually looking forward to having 3 months off school, as opposed to the 7 weeks or so that I've been getting since I was a kid. I will however be back in the US in August....spending about a week in Colorado, then back to LA to move in.

Fanfiction still has not been updated; if I don't get around to doing it before going home, I'll probably work on it when I'm back in Hong Kong since I probably won't have much else to do if I don't get the job I'm looking at. Except go out and get drunk legally, which loses its novelty after a while.

What I'm not looking forward to is the end when I have to pack up everything, fight off the dust bunnies when unplugging electronics, make sure nothing's left behind, find some place to store all the boxes before they're picked up, get everything moved out before my last exam, and then move myself out almost right afterwards without getting to say goodbye to everyone for the summer.

Money, money, money

I've been sending off applications to various places on campus in the hope that one of them will be magnanimous enough to hire me next semester for minimum wage and without work-study. That way I can have some cash to spend and something to pad the resume with. For the possible summer job in Hong Kong, I have to write a CV within the next couple of days. Yikes.

Speaking of next semester, I'm really excited to be living in an apartment next year, with someone I know and will actually interact with on a daily basis. (Plus, she's supplying the TV.) I'm also looking forward to having a kitchen and cooking my own food instead of avoiding EVK as much as possible and eating there only when there's no alternative. Mmm...I want to make eggs in a basket for breakfast.

Aaaand...yeah. With a few weeks left until the end of this semester, I'm ready for summer.

Feed a child with a length of steel and wooden beads

I've entered this phase again. I was just doing my laundry, and found that in the past couple of weeks, I've accumulated 5 or 6 t-shirts, most of them free, from taking part in causes or charity events.

Now I want to buy the Fight On for Darfur t-shirt, which is being sold on McCarthy right now. Invisible Children, founded by USC alumni, is selling steel and reed bracelets online to help children in Uganda. And there's hungersite.org, which has heaps of cool jewellery and clothing, where cups of food are donated for everything you buy.

On one hand, I think it's great that a kid somewhere benefits, and I get a nice piece to add to my wardrobe. On the other hand, I'm starting to feel like a bit of a cop-out because I've got bits and pieces from different charities or causes, but I haven't yet devoted actual time and effort to any one of them. Perhaps once I get out of CALPIRG, I'll join Invisible Children or Take Back the Night. I'm also guessing that some of the money made on Hungersite.org has to go to someone's salary; it's just a matter of how much. I'm also financially in peril, so I'll have to cut back on the spending until next semester, especially since I probably won't wear the jewellery very often. I have a lot of it back home, but I only wear a few choice pieces and I don't bother with matching accessories to my outfit since I don't really match my outfits anyway.

I may however give exception to a mobile phone charm, since I lost my old one, and a cheap bracelet that can withstand abuse. If I'm going to wear something, I might as well have contributed to help feed someone with it.

[/cynical idealist]

Sorry, HOW do you pronounce that?

I don't know if this is particularly funny because I'm reading it late at night while procrastinating from an essay, but:

Baby's Named a Bad, Bad Thing

And this is limited to mainly the Western world. I've seen plenty of weird names in Hong Kong myself.

Take 5

So I'm in class right now at 8 in the morning, after a weekend of broken sleep cycles and walking against cancer. Which is still kind of wimpy compared to Strawberry-guy aka Matt and his 24 hour marathon.

Anyway, I'm writing this so I can stay marginally awake, as I don't know enough American history to skip this class altogether. Seip's cool, but so was Lamy, and even then I skipped his classes because I was too tired to pay attention.

1. Driving - In just over a month's time I'm going back home, and one of the first things I'm going to have to do (pretty much the day after I land) is take my written test, which I haven't even begun to study for. At least I'll finally be able to take lessons in a real car and not the useless simulator that they "allowed" me to use last time. The test in Hong Kong is a lot harder though, and my mum won't let me drive for a year so I'll have a clean record when I apply for insurance.

2. Cracked.com - Found this website though Digg, and it's pretty funny, although it's often pretty stupid as well, and some of the articles are made up.

3. Thinkgeek.com - I've been spending way too much money on this website. There's so many t-shirts, hoodies, gadgets, accessories, and caffeine-related products I want. Considering I'm kind of cash-strapped now, I'm going to have to go cold turkey until next semester. I'm still waiting for my recommendation so I can apply for an internship and possible earn some spending money.

4. CALPIRG - Bleh. I'm so out of here once this semester's over. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I'm not getting much out of it. I know that's usually the case with public policy work, but I figured I needed out once I started dreading the weekly meetings and events.

5. Summer - This is going to be the first time where I get more than 2 months of summer. As far as I know, I plan to:
- Go to Japan
- Find a job
- Get together with friends
- Go shopping for cheap clothes
- Learn how to drive
- See if I can still play the clarinet after a year of playing brass
- Deliver that USC pennant to school (I can't imagine why they don't have one already)
- Go to Colorado
Yeah, that last part is going to take up the last month of summer, so I really only have about 2 months to do the rest.

Diary vs. journal, emotions vs. thoughts

When my French teacher asked us whether we'd ever kept a "journal intime" before, I was one of two people who said no.

I wasn't being entirely honest, really. I've kept a journal of the things I did that day, back when I was 10, such as what movie I saw, where did I go for dinner, which friends I hung out with that day, etc. And there was a period of time when I had the little custom decorated with sparkly stickers book complete with a lock and key, but I wrote in it maybe 3 times, and got rid of it years ago.

But I've never really kept a longterm record of my innermost thoughts and feelings. Blogging does not count for me; that's intentionally public, diaries are usually supposed to be for one's eyes only. One thing is because I usually don't have a lot to hide. Second, some things just should not be put down in any form of print. And third, I'm just plain terrified that someone else is going to find my writings and invade my privacy. I know some keep a private diary as a form of catharsis or memory. which is cool, but I try to put my thoughts into writing, and the majority of my feelings into actions instead. I say "majority" because one has to put at least some feeling into their writings or it would be as dried-up as the Sahara.

Do I want anyone in the near future to find out my deepest, darkest secrets, a la Anne Frank? I'll say it now: no thanks. I'm not deliberately being an enigma, it's just the way I am.

Sink me, mon cheri! Le fanfiction!

I was searching for old files to delete so I could have enough room to back up my current (and more important) stuff, and I found some old fanfics of mine that never quite saw the light of day. Some were a couple of half-finished stories, others were plot outlines, and still others were words or phrases that were supposed to be reminders of plots that sounded vaguely interesting but were not fleshed out enough. All belonged to either Les Miserables or The Scarlet Pimpernel.

I'm actually considering taking up some of these plot lines and writing them out. Obviously the ideas I have won't be exactly the same as my 16 year old brain, but it's worth a shot. There is one particular plot involving madness in the Blakeney family, but I can't for the life of me remember how it was supposed to go. I did, however, write down something about how it was going to end, which is weird.

This is merely a writing exercise; I don't intend for these stories to be published for the time being. (Of course, now that I've blogged about it, I really should post them eventually.) It's a mix of serious and light-hearted stuff, no romance or horror.

It's also a little journey back again into memory lane, when I was at the height of my Les Miz/fanfiction/musicals obsession. The passion has cooled down to about 50º now, and I've moved on to other interests for the most part. In a way, I miss the insane love for Les Miz and musicals, which has become more of a detached appreciation, but I care less for fanfiction. Especially fanfiction.net. I have not visited that place for years, mainly because I'm scared of what I'm going to find there. And even then, I'd probably only dare to look in the comedy section. I seem to have a degenerated attention span, since I can read long works of humour fanfiction, but balk at reading long works of drama or adventure fanfiction. I swear it used to be the other way round.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have time to write when I'm not cranking out papers or cramming for tests. I certainly do have moments, otherwise I would not be blogging.

Airplanes

Jetting off to Philly in a couple days, so I'm pretty excited about it all.

What I'm not so happy about is that I've developed a small fear of flying. Specifically, flying alone. Which sounds a little bit ridiculous since I've been on long-haul planes since I was a kid, and I was flying alone by 15. I honestly blame the combination of 9/11 and Lost. I still refuse to watch the pilot episode that has the plane breaking up in mid air, because that's the last thing I want dwelling on my mind on the next trans-Pacific flight I'm on.

Since then, every time I get on a plane, I get this sudden rush of apprehension that something absolutely terrible is going to happen on this flight, and during bouts of turbulence I find my pulse going up slightly. It's never nearly as bad when flying with someone else because it takes the mind off such trains of thought. It also seems to be worse when I'm on a domestic flight for some reason.

Hopefully, writing about it might make me feel better for my next flight. I want to look forward to seeing my friend and eating Philly cuisine, not worry about whether there's going to be anything left of me to identify.

Another weather post

Found this from a couple years back when browsing my old Xanga. It pretty much sums up a good chunk of my high school days:

Reason # 23493826 why I hate Hong Kong weather

12:20 am: Last minute cramming for C3 test. Notice flashes of lightning through curtains.

12:35 am: Hear distant rumblings of thunder. Switch to S1.

12:45 am: Am getting slightly nervous. Turn off light and go to bed.

12:50 am: Rumbling getting louder. v. nervous, but still drowsing off.

1 am approx: Hear something akin to bomb falling on top of apartment. jump a foot in the air.

1:01 - 2 something am: Futile attempts to block out sound by plugging ears and hiding under blankets. Thunder now sounds like reconstruction of London Blitz. Flashbacks to Doctor Who. Thankful for once that I don't own a dog.

Time unknown: finally fall asleep.

7:00 am: Slowly wake up. Eyes refuse to open. Silent plea for at least a red rainstorm.

7:15 am: Hear maternal unit bustling about making breakfast. Much silent cursing occurs.

7:25 am: Haul tired butt out of bed and out to dining room. Look out window: rain-free, if cloudy, sky. Groan. More swearing.

Netspeak

I went back to my old Xanga page to take a stroll down memory lane, so to speak. The last entry was on my 17th birthday, so it was interesting to see if anything changed in between then and my last birthday in Chicago:

Thursday, October 19, 2006

BDAY!!! whoa, 17 now. aaaand actually i don't feel that much different except that i only have 1 more year now before i'm legal. a big, BIG THANK YOU to those who wished me happy birthday and to those who gave me a card and/or present...despite the fact i'm an insane anti social cynical "British arrogant" coffee addict who rarely gives out presents or cards. Thank you for putting up with me all these years.

Reading that, I'd like to say very little has changed, that I'm still very very grateful that my friends are my friends and enjoy putting up with this crazy caffeine-hyped kid.

Going back even further, we've got some decently written posts (if a lot shorter than the ones I'm writing now), funny lists and photos, random inside jokes that only certain friends and classmates would get, random imagery such as "paraplegic turtle", aaaaand.....

*looks at posts from 2005*
*rubs eyes*

ABKLJGLBHKTLKC the netspeak. Yeah, 3 years from now, it's just painful to look at. I'm not a grammar Nazi, but sometimes I wonder where the gene coding for reading netspeak went after reaching the late stages of puberty. I am not missing it at all, frankly.

The sea of history

...is so because you have to take every bit with a grain of salt. 

Those who have seen my bookshelves will know that the majority of my literature consists of history books, ranging from timelines of world history to Stephen Ambrose and Ian Kershaw. Recently I've gone on a spending spree again: I rented Gettysburg, bought the Gettysburg soundtrack, and bought the book the film's based on, Killer Angels. My Freshman Seminar professor recommended the film to me, my history professor recommended the book.

From what I gather, the film follows the "not as good if you've read the book first" trend. Having seen the film first, I'm really looking forward to the book now. As a film on its own merits, I can see the time they devoted to detail and the effort at authenticity. Although they seem to have gone a little overboard with some of the beards. The dialogue also raises a lot of questions about the nature of war that, unfortunately, still haven't been answered. The book is apparently one of the better works of historical fiction because of Shaara's recreation of dialogue between the historical figures and their inner thoughts (again, according to the prof; I'll have to see once I get my hands on the thing). All in all, Gettysburg is rather compelling and worth watching; at least, I could handle the three hours of this compared to Gone with the Wind. That's probably a matter of personal taste though.

On a different note, it's sad when a historian is tainted through carelessness or a desire to appear more than they are. I like Ambrose's books, and even though I know he made the big screwups only in his last few books, I now read D-Day and Band of Brothers with the nagging thought as to whether he made similar, smaller slips in his earlier works too. Joseph Ellis is another case. Lying about his Vietnam war experiences while teaching a class on the Vietnam war? Hoo, boy. Again, his writings may be factually accurate, but people will read them with more skepticism than before.

With stuff like this, If I continue this hobby, I'll probably need the whole damn salt cellar.

Who wears the trousers?

I was reading the newsletter distributed by the Office of International Services, and the feature article was the viewpoints of international graduate students on the upcoming election.

I'll quote once I get hold of another copy (I threw the first one away by mistake), but basically the Indian students said that they were surprised that some of their American counterparts would not vote for Clinton because she was a woman. In India, female and minority officials have been elected for a number of years already with no question on whether their status affects their performance, and the students expected that American ideas would be more liberal.

I'm not going to comment much on this, but I was reminded of a joke I found a while back (context, 1980s...oh and I'm paraphrasing again). 

A Brit is applying for a job, and during the interview, the manager asks him, as a final question, whether he would be comfortable working under a female CEO.

The man replies,

"We have a queen on the throne for the fifth time, we have a female Prime Minister, and I've been married for 20 years. I know how to take orders from a woman."

He got the job.

-----------------------------

I've decided to include a pic of something random when I post. Just little things I find interesting/cute.

Pigeon bathing in the reflecting pool

The drawbacks of a mild climate

Being British, at least one of my posts has to be about the weather, no?

It's most likely because I'm not from around here, but I can pretty much count the number of weeks I haven't been sick while at USC on one hand. If it's not the varying degrees of the common cold, then it's the mysterious chest-rattling cough, the sore throat, or the voice that decides to take a holiday after a football game.

California weather is definitely milder compared to Hong Kong. You don't get the monsoons where your school floods and every road that's on an incline of more than 10º becomes a flash flood, or the typhoons (hurricanes to you) that threaten to rip off your windows and separate your head from your neck if you're daring enough to step out during Signal 8. Nope, it's nice to have a dry sunny climate during August for a change.

Bad thing is, it gets much colder at night than what I'm used to. One minute you're in a T-shirt and thinking it's too hot, then the next it's ARGH I'M FREEZING. And I'm still trying to adjust so that I wear the right number of layers of clothing for the right kind of weather. So far, I'm failing miserably. And the climate's deceptive. A spell of fine sunny weather, with very little change, and you get lulled into a false sense of security, then Mother Nature decides to strike. The fact that nearly all the rainy days I experienced last semester happened to be on days with band related activities is evidence that God, or Mother Nature, is a comedien/ne with a very interesting and somewhat sadistic sense of humour. At least I didn't have to pay for dry-cleaning.

And I'm out. I have Shinkendo in less than an hour; bring a jacket or no? Whichever I choose, I'll probably get it wrong once I step out.

P.S. Could someone help me with the spacing on my posts? After the first paragraph, everything gets squished together.

animals and me

My mum often compares me to the following animals:







I took that last photo in 2006 when I was on holiday in England. The owl wasn't too happy that I woke it up with the clicking of the camera shutter.

photo

I seem to be incapable of projecting my own thoughts in the form of print without using something else as a medium to analyse/act as a memory jog/take the place of what I wanted to say. Anyway.

For the record, the photo that serves as my title background is one I took myself, back in April when I was visiting universities. And the figure walking pensively on the beach? That's my dad. He just happened to be in front of me as I was going shutter-crazy and taking random photos of the Newport sunset. And a lot of the photos I took reminded me of those inspirational postcards, where the sun blares out from a gap within the clouds and stuff like that. So I swung the camera over to where Dad was, and clicked the shutter.

I think it captures a facet of him pretty well. Lost in thought in the middle of nature's wonders. Mum says that I tend to walk almost exactly like him; that's probably because when the family's walking in a group, for some reason I always end up 100 feet ahead walking with my dad and chatting about random topics. Probably copied his walking style unconsciously from there. Mum finds it hilarious.

I wish I had more of his brains though. 

I also wish I'd spent more time with him when I went back for the holidays. Because when I found that photo again, I remember those walks along the beach or down country paths, and the talks. Sometimes I don't even remember what we were talking about exactly, but I remember listening and not growing tired of it. (This is a far cry from 10 years ago when I would run from the room the minute Dad started giving a lecture in response to one of my simple questions.) 

That's what I plan to do when I go back home this summer: just take a walk somewhere, and chat. Just a little thing, really. But see, I may not go back home after sophomore year, not if I'm looking for an internship. I still have the memories from previous years. But I'd like one more. 

Harry

So it appears that our wayward prince has been fighting in Afghanistan for 10 weeks. And now that we know this, he's on his way home.

I'm torn. I admire him, really I do. (He's pretty wayward compared to William when they were teens though.) Especially his willingness to risk his life and serve as an ordinary soldier. But at the same time it's not the same as when his relatives served in the army. Back then, you wouldn't be able to tell who was deployed where, and the media coverage was about a tenth of the size it is now. At least he's aware that he's a "bullet magnet" out there. 

I guess I would prefer not knowing. Unless he got KIA, and then we'd have a whole new media uproar of "OMGhewasoverthereandthemedianeversequealedwhichissurprisinglynobleofthemandnowhe'sDEADwhatistheroyalfamilygoingtodo"

Life is a bunch of non-sequiturs

I just got over a mild fever over the weekend, and now I have to deal with a cold, a sore throat, and a really huge ulcer in the back of my left jaw. It's not particularly pleasant, especially when you don't want to talk to avoid aggravating your jaw or your throat, and you're in a 16 person class. Although I'm really appreciating the value of instant oatmeal now, since you don't have to chew anything. Yay for TroGro and their stocking of Quaker's Baked Apple.

Last night I went to see Ladysmith Black Mambazo with Bonnie and Greg. I'll have to say, they're ageless. The oldest are in their 60s and they're still jumping all over the place and having the time of lives and acting like they're still 20 without being awkward at all. It's also ageless in the sense that four of Joseph Shabalala's sons are part of the group now. Age is really just a number for these guys. The sad part was, after watching them perform and celebrate the achievements of South Africa and Nelson Mandela, I opened the CNN website this morning and found an article about a video in South Africa filming white students abusing black campus staff. It's a long, long walk to freedom, and we've only just left the last pit stop.

Also, never give those guys caffeine of any sort.

In the beginning...

So I decided to start a blog. And honestly, it probably won't be much different from my old Xanga (even the URL is the same as the old title), only I won't use netspeak. Unless I'm making fun of it. But hell, it's just one of those whims I get at 12am when I don't want to study for a test tomorrow. Just like yesterday, when I had the sudden impulse to personally deliver a jury summons that had ended up in my mailbox; I figured it was important enough to the person that they needed it as soon as possible so I decided not to wait for the CSC to do their job and mail the thing. 

So why "Being Alive"? 

1) my friend already snagged the line "proving my existence",

2) an ironic jab at my alter ego, who is technically a wandering spirit with a preference for bathroom mirrors,

3) I tend to live life on a day to day basis, hence "another day, another 24 hours."